do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
