Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
