Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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