He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
