totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
