This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
