There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
