why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
