the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
