I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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