I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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