need another drink. this is the easiest way
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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