He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
