My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
