ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
