well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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