Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
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My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
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I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize