I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
