Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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