she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
