you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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