Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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