bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
