Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
