By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You don't make any sense
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