she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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