think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So here I am, sexting at work.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
