yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
