There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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