Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
you had me at cake vodka
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
