I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Randomize
