Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
