peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
