honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
