people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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