If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
