do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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