Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Randomize
