So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
