what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
