I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
