i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
