I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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