Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
