am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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