Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
