I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
