Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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