So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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