Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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