Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
