no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
