is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
That's how pantless uber rides happen