Someone shit on the floor
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.