My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.