i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night