I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
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I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
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He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...