We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
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Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
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he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order