youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
this is jacob
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
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then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
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I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.