Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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