I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
