Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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