I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think my fart just growled at me.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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