Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think I sprained my soul last night
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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